How to Write Kick-Ass Blurbs!

Editor for The Wild Rose Press, Trish Owens, has stopped by with a few informational posts about writing kick-ass blurbs. She and Diana Carlile fix my blurbs for me, and I love how they wrangle my words into something really cool someone just might want to buy. I asked her to give us insight about her gift of blurb writing.

Mia: Hi, Welcome, Trish! I have coffee and tequila, as well as a buffet of delectable snacks. Help yourself. 

Trish (peering over at the coffee table) Does the hunk mind that he has vegetarian sushi decorating his abs? He looks suspiciously like the guy from your Ripped cover. 

Mia: Shhh. I kidnapped him. He doesn't mind as long as you don't put soy sauce on him. It tickles.

Trish (helping herself to a cucumber roll): So blurbs. You stink at them, Mia. Really. You write such wonderful prose and then you hand us drivel. What do you have to say about that? 

Mia: You and Diana never taught me your secrets. I think you don't share on purpose, so we can bow down  to you both. I think you get a kick off the goddess worship. 

Trish: Maybe a little. I don't get worshiped as much as Diana. I kinda like it. 

Mia: So spill. Not the soy sauce! 

Trish: Sorry, sweet boy. (Pats the hunk's chest. He grunts.) So great blurbs come from knowing your characters and their conflict. A great blurb is short, to the point, and contains the secret formula of outlining your characters' goals, motivations and conflicts. It also contains the flavor and genre of your book, be it erotic romance, historical, or comedy. Try to keep it around 150 words. 200 words, maximum.

Mia: That's it?

Trish: That's it. Well, in a nutshell. For longer novels, I like to make two paragraphs, one about the hero, one about the heroine. For shorter novels you can stick to one informative paragraph. I like to state very clearly what that character wants, why they can't have it, and what they are going to do about getting it. 

Mia: So...Mia wants sushi, but she can't have it because Trish is eating it all. Mia will get the sushi, dammit, by beaning Trish on the head. How's that?

Trish: Sure. That works if you want crappy blurbs from now on. You want me to craft something from that? You sure about that? Think of your career future. 

Mia: I see it as a challenge, but I don't want crappy blurbs. How about I create you a sushi banquet served on Ripped boy so you think about sharing?

Trish: That's better. 

Mia: Then prove your greatness, O Blurb Queen. 

Trish: Blurb Princess. :::cracking knuckles::: Here it goes. 

Lowly serf Mia has always wanted to taste the delicacies wealth and power have to offer, starting with the sushi held in the hand of the powerful yet deadly monarch, Princess Trish of the Garden. But the strict rules of The Garden do not allow those of tainted blood to be more than chattel. Mia yearns to be more, to sample more, and yet can't seem to attract the gorgeous yet aloof redhead who holds the reins to Mia's body, the key to her heart. Catching her eye could mean sudden death. It could also mean ultimate ecstasy. Mia tempts fate by creating the princess's favorite sushi dish, served off the most gorgeous male slave The Garden has to offer, and now the princess is heading her way. Will Mia's first taste of the forbidden be one laced with ultimate desire, or will it end with the kiss of death? 

Mia: That was...amazing, and 150 words, exactly. I take it it's Sci-fi or fantasy with a little suspense. I see that you're a scary...er...princess, and I'm your slave. I think I'm fairly stupid to tempt fate, though.

Trish: I sense you were going to say I was a scary bitch. Go ahead, you can say it. I'm a ninja princess in my own mind.

Mia: No, really. You're nice in person. One complaint, it really smacked of a little f/f action. No offense, but I like him a lot more. ::pointing at the hunk laying on the coffee table, decorated in sushi:::

Trish: I got a little carried away. If we woke studly up, it could be f/f/m. ::laughing:: Kidding! You forget where I work. My mind just goes straight to the naughty side, all the time.

Mia: So...readers are going to want to know. Do I die, or do I get to eat sushi. 

Trish: Your readers will have to wait to find out. If Spy Games: Lethal Limits doesn't release, you're dead. 

Mia: We have readers waiting for Jake! You can't do that to them. 

Trish: How about I take all the sushi and go home? Studly, too. 

Mia: ::sighing:: Okay. Fine. Go. He needs a coat, though. He'll catch cold.

Trish (rising, and yanking the hunk by the hand): Why don't you share Jake's blurb, so they can see something decent I helped craft? 

Mia. Good idea! I'll share the cover, too, since it's new! My thanks to Trish Owens for stopping by with that informational (and really scary) demonstration of blurb prowess. 

Blurb for Spy Games: Lethal Limits, book 2 in the Spy Games series out late fall, 2012. 

Secret Agent Jake Anderson would rather have the measles than love his best friend’s wife. So when she gives him a mission— to find his own woman to love— he knows just the woman to target. Exotic beauty Tia Richards— his new partner— is wild, twisted, and has no limits when it comes to adventure, in bed and out. She’s perfect for him. Now he just has to get Tia and his heart to agree.

Sexy spy Tia Richards has a problem, and the solution is Jake. The last time they hooked up, he left her bound and begging, unfulfilled, so close to finally getting the fireworks she deserves. But Jake loves his former partner, and Tia refuses to be second best. Will she listen to the ache in her heart that whispers she has what it takes to be first in Jake’s life, or will lethal limits separate them forever?